


Waiting For You

by Gabby



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Friendship/Love, Hiatus fic, Making Love, Mild Sexual Content, Pining, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-08
Updated: 2014-04-08
Packaged: 2018-01-17 03:00:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1371448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gabby/pseuds/Gabby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>She will wait for him. Whatever it takes. She will wait for him. No matter what.</i> In which Amy makes an important decision and spends six months in a kind of bittersweet hell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting For You

**Author's Note:**

> Well, hello! Did everybody love that finale more than I did? I thought not because NOBODY is gonna be able to compete with my feelings about that episode and this show in general. I can garan-damn-tee you that! ;) Anyway, I pretty much thought of this the MINUTE the finale ended, okay? The minute it ended, this started percolating in my brain and I sincerely hope that it is enough to give you guys a great story... but, you know, if not, I apologize in advance. Also, this one is a tiny bit sad in parts and I wanna say angsty but, I'm not exactly sure and funny enough, I've been told by others that I'm actually good at writing it, which scares me because as a rule, I don't enjoy angst at all and I find it mostly annoying and bummer-inducing so, yeah. But, I hope it works for this particular story. And is, most of all, actually necessary and needed because we're mostly in Amy's POV here and her feelings and her struggles so, hope it works out.
> 
> Also, for you those of you who frequent the B99 archive over at FF.net, you may know me as WriterGirl89 and I pretty much account for half the stories there on account of I just can't stop writing for these two! Anyhow, if you've indeed encountered my stuff over there, I'd be pleased if you did the same here! :)

 Amy spends the next ten minutes just standing there after he's left.

   She hadn't expected this. She hadn't expected to have Jake Peralta. Goofball extraordinaire. Certified manchild. Her partner for the last three years. Her... friend. To look her (mostly) in the eye and admit to her that he basically has feelings for her and wishes that something could happen between them romantic-styles - of course, even in confessions of the heart, he would make it his own - and now, she's standing there, outside of their precinct, numb, and it dawning on her that she's said nothing during that moment and he's gonna be gone for six months.

She's not gonna see or hear from him for six months.

Eventually, the numbness wears off and she realizes, despite telling herself otherwise, that she's having... _a moment_. An emotional moment. Because her heart is starting to ache and her stomach has dropped to her feet and her vision is starting to blur and it's only in hindsight, much, much later that she recalls that it's due to her incoming tears.

Not the type of reaction a woman would have if she most definitely, completely, seriously doesn't return her partner less-than-platonic attentions and she wants to not do _this_ , wants desperately to calm down but, then the image of Jake's earnest face pops in her head and it only serves to make her feel a lot worse.

And it's only when she's half way home that she realizes that she's started crying.

Heavy-stomach cramp inducing-snot bubbles everywhere-ugly face scrunching type stuff.

And it's only after all that and she's able to be numb again, that she picks up her phone and calls, feeling only mildly guilty as she does.

She's grateful when she gets voice mail.

"Listen, Teddy, about dinner..."

 

 

     The day after, when she's able to think clearly and feels more like herself, she kind of expects for the feeling from the night to have dissipated. Or at least, lessened a bit. For her to come back to herself enough to think about that moment and not have something break inside her when she does.

It doesn't work out that way.

She thinks about Jake. His face. The way he looked at her as he confesses his feelings. And yeah, it's not a declaration of love or dramatic gesture of affection but, that's just it. It wasn't needed. Because the look in his eye is enough. It's enough to tell her what his words could not convey in the moment. The possible implication of the longevity of his feelings for her knocking her upside the head.

She wonders how long? How long has he felt this way? How long has he... wanted this? How long has he wanted to say something?

She thinks about The Bet. The rooftop. The lie to about the relief team. Telling her that it still goes on the good date list because they caught the bad guys when, even then, she could see in his eyes that he means something else entirely.

Or the Major Crimes incident.

Or... the Tactical Village.

_Oh, no._

She'd been so caught up in reuniting with Teddy that she'd chalked up Peralta's strange actions that day to just being overly interested so, that he could make fun of her later with her school-girl crush but, it never explains until now the seriousness in which he takes the training exercises. The strange look he gives her when she tells him she can't go to the bar with the team because she has dinner plans. Or the even _stranger_ expression on his face when he comes up to her the next night after a day of being on the receiving end of many more looks and unbearably nervous tension from him.

And she'd been _soo_ sure that he was gonna say something else, too. A different question on the tip of his tongue before she'd told him about her plans for the night. The slight hope on his face. The open expectation. Like he was almost going to-

Oh, God. Oh, God, he'd wanted to ask her out, hadn't he?

Oh, no.

And then-? And she-?

The look on his face... The expression in his eyes...

How could she have been so stupid?!

Really, because for someone who has such high hopes in becoming Captain one day and getting her own command down the line, she finds it hard to believe that she'd ever even made detective with how oblivious she had been to this. The fact that her partner and friend has feelings for her and she, god, she feels foolish and yes, in the back of her mind, Amy almost wants to forgive herself because she'd also been caught up in a relationship with somebody she liked and of course, there in lies the issue because her inability to see what was directly in front of her has now caused her an important friendship. A beyond important partnership. The affections of someone because she couldn't realize sooner how much pain she was causing him. How much she'd hurt him.

She could just- She could only imagine how Jake must have felt seeing her... with someone else. Seeing her go on those dates. The stories. The anecdotes from said dates.

Suffice it to say, Amy spends that day mulling over many a questions and coming up with very few answers.

 

 

  During the next few weeks, three things happen with her.

One, she inadvertently tells Rosa about Jake's parting words to her as well as the possibility that - with the couple of weeks without him and the working too much and avoiding Teddy and what not, serving as a personal reflection period - she might, maybe, could just slightly return his affections because it turns out one two many Rough Nights just brings out the honesty monster in her and goddamn Gina for putting the idea in her head and she ends drunker than she would ever be comfortable with otherwise.

"You shoulda seen his face." She drawls over her empty shot glass, the room already starting to spin even though she's still sitting down. "He looked like I had stepped on a litter of kittens or something."

"Peralta doesn't have kittens."

"Oooh..." She groans, long and loud, smacking her palm onto the table between them and yeah, okay, the room is definitely dancing, right? "...You know what I mean, Rosa! I broke his heart! I..." She pauses to think of a word and then. "... I yanked it out his chest and stomped on it!"

Unbeknowst to her in the moment, her little tirade has gotten most of the bar goers attention and Rosa glares at her for the unwanted judgment.

"It's fine!" She exclaims loudly to the strangers, waving her hand out. "I just broke a man's heart. It's not- It's not a big deal- It's fine. It's okay." She hears herself slur, thumping her head onto the table and groaning at the ache it causes because _ouch_.

"Come on." She hears her fellow officer say with just this side of impatience. "I'm taking you home."

"I don't wanna go home. I wanna wallow."

"Wallow at your apartment." She feels her arm being pulled up from her stool with impressive strength. "Come on, let's go."

All the way to Fort Green, Amy has a bit of time to think on her situation, a combination of the alcohol and thinking too hard doing a number on her poor brain and by the time they arrive, she has so much going on inside her mind that the minute Rosa parks in front of her building, she blurts out the first thing to spring up out of the madness. "I miss Jake."

It's said softly, almost inaudibly, even to her own ears but, it's enough for her reluctant designated driver to hear and she feels her turn at attention and she almost - _almost_ \- wants to stop herself but, god, it's true. Soo, unbelievably true. She does miss him. And she's been feeling so incredibly weighed down with everything that's happened and what he confessed and all of her emotions about it and the fact that she hadn't said anything. No acknowledgement of his words. No goodbyes.

And it's further compounded by the idea that she may never see him again because cases like this can go longer than expected or something may go wrong or he might not be the same if he comes back.  

It's too much and she's done pretending.

"I want him back here." She continues with complete honesty.  "I want my partner back. I need my friend back. I..." She starts, feeling moisture gathering in her eyes, her voice becoming husky with emotion. "... I want to not feel like _this_. I want to... tell him that I care about him, too, I guess." She shrugs, a tear falling hot down her cheek, though she makes no move to wipe it away.

There's some silence after that before she takes a deep breath and adds. "I have to break up with Teddy." She hears herself say next,  a feeling of guilt coming and going. "He's a good guy. But, I can't... keep thinking about Jake and stay with him, too. It's not fair."

More silence and it's even more brief until, surprisingly, it's her friend the one to break it.

"You gonna be okay?"

It crosses her mind then that she must sound _really_ out of sorts because Rosa, for the first time in their knowing each other, has more than blink-and-you-miss-it twinge of concern in her normally apathetic voice.

"I think so." Is all she can manage from the whirlwind that is her brain.

 

 

 Which brings us to thing number two. She breaks up with Teddy.

   It's the horrific morning after her drunken confessions and with a pounding migraine, having no idea how she got there, she wakes up wrapped around a toilet and in between remembering the night before, swallowing down pain meds, and a hot shower that makes her feel as if her whole body is taking a drink of water, she texts - 'cause she's a coward suddenly - him and asks him to meet at her favorite diner near her house.

It goes surprisingly well.

He seems less sad than he does disappointed and she wonders if he saw this coming and they're cordial with each other throughout the entire chat and even share a hug before he's on his way back to his own precinct and out of her life.

She's not heartbroken. She's not. She's nowhere devastated.

She does feel a tiny bit upset because he truly is a decent, good man with plenty of good qualities and who deserves good things.

But, so is Jake.

And _he's_ what she wants.

It's taken three years of partnership, friendship, and a supposedly one-sided romantic confession but, she's finally figured it out.

Jake Peralta - her partner, friend, and glorified manchild - is who she wants and it's not until she's back home after her break-up coffee, eggs, and pancakes that it also occurs to her that the man she wants is on a deep, secret undercover mission for the FBI probably putting himself in danger as she leans against her door with a deep sigh, her mind reeling over the facts that she's now newly single with the express intend of waiting for a man who's feelings might not only change in the next few months but, it's also possible he may very well never be seen again and it hits her all at once like a dump truck.

_Oh boy. This is gonna be a long six months._

 

 

  Now, to the third thing. She receives a package a week later - nearing his second month of being away - waking up to a delivery man on her doorstep who has her sign for her package, a simple not-heavy box, before literally tipping his cap off to her and is on his way.

She stares at the package through her glasses, carefully putting it on her couch and looking at it for a long time before going back into her bedroom to get ready for work.

She spares it another glance before she's out the door and on her way to the 99.

It's only much, much later when she comes home after a long, busy day and saying no to drinks with her colleagues that Amy finds herself sitting down in her living room with the box in front of her, moving to open it.

She gasps softly as she opens the box to see a familiar stuffed bear inside.

She remembers this bear. It's the same bear that Peralta'd used to solve that electronic store robbery on the day they first met Holt, that stupid Donnie Brasco speech on repeat in her mind now.

She also recalls that this particular one has a nanny cam in it and with mild curiosity, turns it over and back again, knowing there's _something_...

Acting on instinct, she reaches out and squeezes it's middle. The fake, furry, stuffed belly making a strange _click!_ as she does.

 _"This job is eating me alive..."_ Past Jake's voice begins in a mock-tormented, low tone, though, in hindsight, and probably because she hasn't heard his voice in over three weeks, a light shiver travels throughout her whole body at the sound of it and she smiles as she listens to the recycled words, feeling slightly sad and pleased as it enters the conversation between them at the end, leaning back against her couch with sigh that echoes in the silence in her apartment that follows. 

God, she misses him so much. It's soo fucking clichéd and girly and dumb because being honest with herself and her damn feelings means missing him a lot more than she would otherwise.

She finally gets it in herself to move when-

 _"Hey, Amy."_ It's Jake again and she jumps a bit because this is new and unexpected and she stares at the bear with some shock like he might materialize out from it. _"It's me. Don't freak out."_ He adds and she settles back down, relaxing some.

 _"Um..."_ He begins again and she smiles widely as she pictures him, stammering and uncharacteristically nervous, hovering over this damn bear and recording this. _"... I don't really know where to start."_ He adds with a laugh. _"I was... I  just got back to my apartment and found this goddamn thing and thought to myself, 'why the hell not?' because I'm a doofus and of all things to keep from a robbery case, I'd keep a bear."_

There's a pause after that and she leans down a little because she can still hear him breathing before he goes again. _"I'm gonna miss you so much."_ He says, his voice low and incredibly honest and playing at her heartstrings. _"I'm gonna miss your laugh. Your smile. The way you're so uptight about so many times. I'm gonna miss the way your eyes light up when you ace a case. Which is often because I know I don't say it enough or, you know, at all but..."_ Another pause and she's even more eager to hear what he has to say next. _"... You_ _are a great detective. I know I act like I'm better because of my stupid guesses and puzzle-solving but, you put your whole heart into things in a way I sometimes wish I could and..."_ She's about to cry. She knows it. Hot moisture is collecting in her tear ducts as he continues. _"... I uh... I just think you're brilliant. Because you are. Sorry if I ever made you feel_ _otherwise."_ A beats and then he adds. _"Just thought you should know that."_

Okay, she's most _definitely_ crying now, wet streaks burning down her face and she stifles a sob in her throat by putting a hand to her mouth because this is a lot to take in and he's never made her feel inferior or mediocre in her field and she's really never given much thought as to how he thinks of her as a detective but, this? This she wouldn't expect from him. Pre-recorded or to her face, she would never guess he'd ever give her _this_ kind of praise and it's too much given her knowledge of his affections towards her as well her own changing feelings for him so, it's interesting, to say the least.

 _"I don't even know if you're ever gonna hear this and this is kinda the coward's way out but, here goes..."_ He exhales and the sound is odd to listen to as it melds with the static in the recording. _"... I have feelings for you."_ He immediately says with a nervous quickness and then goes on to say. _"There you go. There's feelings. And they're weird and strong and I have them. For you."_

She laughs now, the sound wet and mildly distorted thanks to her tears, but genuine and kinda happy.

 _"And... I wanna say I like you."_ He adds with a question in his voice. _"... But, to be honest, everything's been running circles around in my head and I don't think it's that simple anymore."_

She holds her breath. Waiting.

 _"Anyway, I'm gonna head back to the station to get my crap because as far as everyone knows, I'm super fired."_ He laughs again and she revels in the sound. _"Maybe we'll run into each other. Maybe we won't but, I hope we do."_ He says and another long pause accompanies it and then he's back again. _"I guess that's it. Goodbye, Amy."_

And then, he's gone. That's it. Leaving her in her suddenly lonely apartment, not knowing if listening to that has made everything better or worse and it's really no wonder his ultimate confession to her had been so simple because he'd let everything complicated out in this very message and she thinks that if he hadn't recorded this, that maybe he would have said something more like this in that parking lot that night.

But, she does know one thing, though.

She really is gonna wait for him now. She will.

She _will_ wait for him. No matter what. She will wait for him. Whatever it takes.

 

 

  Suffice it to say, the fact that she is single, pining over her partner (who, still, deeply undercover), and the only people she can possibly talk to about this whole thing is probably Rosa, Charles, Terry, or at most, really, Holt, makes her _quit_ the busy woman.

She's not ready to share her feelings. Not yet. She's fine being frank with herself about them but, she's not ready to shout it from the rooftops _just_ _yet_. Even though Rosa already kinda knows based on her alcohol-fueled confessions that night parked outside of her apartment building, though she's very grateful that the other woman could care less to share Amy's personal business to others and the only indication she ever gives to the precinct about anything concerning her "fired" partner is the warning that _no_ _one_ is to touch Jake's desk. No matter who they assign her with, she would much rather work alone than give away his desk to someone else.

They can get their own freaking desk elsewhere. Not his.

She even forgets that her sister-in-arms knows until, on a slow day mid-week, she is approached by her while she, herself, is nose-deep in her favorite pastime of paperwork, fingers rapidly jamming down into her keyboard.

"Santiago?"

"Yeah?" She replies, eyes not getting off of her screen because she's been on a hot streak thanks to her need to distract herself from everything and she's already solved a few good cases in just two weeks. The hell with a personal life.

Her family lives in New Jersey and Kylie has a whole other life with her now fiancé and she can't confide that she has romantic feelings for a man who is undercover in one of the most dangerous crime families on the East Coast and whom she could possibly never see again.

So, now, except for drinks with fellow detectives - which she's been vetoing more and more - her personal life is said man undercover. Who's not here.

"Come with me." She hears above her and finally looks up, seeing Rosa cock a brow and nod as if to follow her.

And because it's a slow ass day in the middle of a slow ass week, she saves her draft on her computer and does what she's told.

They end up in the basement and for a moment Amy fears for her life because it's dark and dank down there and smells like dust mites and dead cats and god, she can't die down here. Not like this-

"Here." She watches as the leather-clad woman pushes an old filing cabinet off of a wall...

"What the-?"

... To reveal a space there and as she steps into it, Amy sees it's a bathroom.

A really nice, clean, dream-fulfilling bathroom.

There's plush rugs. Polished tile. Beautiful porcelain toilet and vanity sink. Smelling of scented candles and comfort.

"What is this?"

"It's Babylon." She hears behind her and turns to find Rosa leaning against the spot where a door would normally be. "I thought you could use it for your... moments." She says, as if not knowing how to phrase it.

Amy feels her face scrunch up. "Moments?"

The other woman just shrugs. "Yeah." She says casually. "You do this weird thing with your face and you stare at Peralta's desk, all sad and shit." She shrugs again. "Whatever. It's weird. And people are starting to notice. So, I figured you could use this place to..." Amy can see her colleague stretch her mouth around her jaw, as if trying to think up her next thing to say. Which is new. "... Do that _weird_ _thing_ with your face or you know, whatever."

It's an odd sentiment that, coming from anyone else, wouldn't mean much.

But, coming from Rosa? It's basically the opposite because despite the idea that she's some I-don't-need-no-friends, lone wolf type, this gesture is a form of rare solidarity and really, Amy is tired of having to hide her sadness about Jake's absence and it would feel nice to have a place besides her apartment to relax and pour out her emotions if and when she so chooses.

"Thanks, Rosa."

She could swear her fellow detective smiles _just_ a touch. "No problem."

 

 

  Now, speaking of said hot streak, on a Monday - during, if she's calculated correctly and she should think she has, the beginning of Jake's fourth month undercover and following a weekend that she'd insisted on working, despite the Captain's concern - she solves one of her old cold cases.

A case of a then five-year-old little girl who had gone missing in the dead of night in Amy's former neighborhood in Brooklyn.

Well, technically, one of hers and Peralta's old cold cases because she had first worked it as a fresh-faced, up-and-coming cop long before she'd gotten her shield and with her former commanding officer's blessings, had brought the case file with her to the 99 after her transfer there, one of the things cementing her once reluctant partnership with her immature, but more seasoned new partner being his agreeing to help her with it and after almost seven months of nothing, Jake had all but, given up.

The very first of a few rare instances where she'd seen him do that.

Yet, she hadn't been as easily discouraged and had been keeping tabs on the family, just in case something should spring up.

And it had.

During one of her over-nighters at the station, the file had caught her eye and without thinking twice, she'd begun working it again.

Turns out more experience equals much better results in her case and after two weeks of working non-stop with almost no sleep, she had finally solves it.

It had been the girl's uncle, who had murdered his brother's daughter as revenge for not getting hand-outs from his family anymore and he had drugged, strangled, and buried his own niece in the woods in Albany.

One of the reasons why they could never find her body.

But, one clue had led to another and another and then another and before she knew it, Amy had solved the case... by herself.

It also turns out the uncle had died a few years before and so, while justice wouldn't really be solved for their daughter, she was pleased with the knowledge that they could finally bury her and give her a proper funeral.

It was bittersweet but, it was something.

The 99 gives Amy a celebratory toast afterward at the bar and though she tries to smile through it, Amy can't help but, feel like something's missing.

Or, rather,  _who_ is missing.

And Christ, it's weird. She's always been the type of woman who would never once need a man to bring her happiness but, it's Jake and she wishes he'd been there to celebrate with her. Tease her. Give her that proud, wide stupid grin she'd always secretly loved.

She's busy nursing a giant Manhattan when Terry sits across from her in the booth she'd been occupying up the back after making sure no one would miss her in the main part of the bar, watching her cherry swirl around in her cocktail glass. "What's wrong?"

She looks up in surprise, straw hanging out of her mouth. "I'm not-" She lets the straw drop back into the glass. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

The Sarge just gives her a look and stares her down until she sighs in resignation. "Okay, maybe, I'm not having as much fun as I thought I would."

"And why's that?" He asks, leaning back in his chair, the expression on his face implying he knows exactly why but, wants to hear it from her.

Figures he wouldn't make it easy on her. "I miss... my partner." She answers slowly, giving him her most earnest look.

It doesn't take long for it to sink it and then she watches as a smile - a knowing smile - starts creeping up on her superior's face. "Oooh..." He utters slowly and again, knowingly. "...I see..."

"What? What do you see?"

"That's why you've been acting this way." He says instead, a proud grin in place. "You have feelings for Jake." He adds, waggling his eyebrows.

She feels herself blush, looking down at her glass, not saying anything.

There's a silence in which she's pretty sure her non-answer is speaking volumes right now and she waits as it stretches out for what seems like forever, her heart pounding inside her chest.

Then, she hears Terry emit a loud sigh of relief. "Finally."

Her head shoots up. "What?"

"He told you how he felt, didn't he?"

 _Felt?_ The past tense word stings for reasons she doesn't wanna think about, the idea that Jake could come back and not... _want_ _her_ anymore eating at her in that instant so much that she shakes her head to ward it off. Instead directing her focus to something different.

"Oh God." She whines in exasperation, hitting her head on her prostate hands sitting on the table before leaning up again and looking across the booth at the Sarge. "Was I really the only one who didn't know?"

"Amy-"

"No, seriously." She holds a hand as if to say hold on a minute. "I really wanna know how I could have missed it." She adds, every single thing she'd wanted to express since that night in the parking lot rushing towards the surface. "Because each and every time I think about it, I feel more and more stupid and blind and god, just so-"

"Santiago!"

"Okay. Fine." She slumps in her chair. "He told me after he had gotten fired. That night. Outside the station."

"And what did you say?"

"Nothing." She replies with immense guilt. "Nothing. I didn't know what to say. I just stood there as he told me. I didn't even..." She breathes deeply, swallowing down the lump in her throat. "... I didn't even say goodbye."

There's another beat afterward and then. "And, um... you and that guy you were seeing-?"

"I broke up with him."

"Oh." She looks up from the stained wood table to see Terry eye her in surprise.

She feels the need to elaborate. "A month in a half after that night." She says, going back to her partner's face. "I just... kept thinking about Jake and it felt right to do because I-"

"Because you have feelings for him?"

She stares at the swirly brown water in her glass. The melting ice at the bottom creating a sure ring on the table. The cherry she wants to pop into her mouth already.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

 

 

Okay, so, she doesn't know if luck likes to be funny or if she's been doom-and-gloom for so long that it decides to affect said luck or if karma's just a bitch and what has she done?

But, she does know this: Jake Peralta comes back to the 99 exactly six months - nothing more, nothing less - after that night in the parking lot and... she's not there.

  Specifically, she's chasing a perp. A low level drug dealer named Chico, who has a beer gut and a love for selling underage prostitutes as a an even lower level pimp on the side and she can hear the son-of-a-bitch huffing and puffing as she full-on chases his nasty ass down an alleyway in the grossest part of Brooklyn.

"Give it up, Chico! Come on, make it easier on yourself, man!" She yells after turning a corner that yields zero results and it's like how can he even-? The man weighs three hundred pounds at least! Come on, now!

Then, she hears it. A yelp.

And then, Chico's actually running in her direction like a bat out of hell without really seeing her and thank Christ, she's quick on her feet because the next thing she knows, the baton is out and whipping at his knee, another, much louder yelp of pain, his chunky face landing first on the ground and she takes out her handcuffs, crouching over him and slapping them on like she's done so many times before.

"Nice to see you caught Don Flan."

That voice - that familiar, long-awaited voice - makes her take her attention off the crying, probably bleeding drug dealer at her feet and towards the source of said voice.

It's him.

Oh, God, it's him.

He's far enough to be mostly in shadow but, she knows. The voice. The frame. The shoulders. She knows him anywhere.

And before she knows what's happening, she's running at him and it seems to take longer than she wants yet it also seems to end soon because one moment she's at the end of the alley, handcuffing her perp, and then she's not anymore, bum-rushing her partner into a bear hug.

And it is spectacular.

An _'oof!'_ emits from him when she basically tosses herself at him like a long-suffering wife seeing her husband back from war, hands moving around his body, as if trying to catalogue him back into memory, pawing at him, feeling way too overcome to be still as she takes stock of him, noting the stronger, much broader lines of his frame as he returns her embrace.

And it's not long before he's responding, his longer arms engulfing her entirely, swinging her up and around, her legs in the air for a millisecond as he lets out a muffled chuckle into her hair, the rich sound vibrating inside her skull and making her feel dizzy even as he sets her down, her nose brushing over his pulse point and the scent of him - notes of a spicy musk and his aftershave - sends a rush through her system, an unexpected heat emblazing into her lower belly and knocking her off course.

She breathes out shakily as he murmurs something she doesn't catch in her hair, her stomach breaking into a mess of butterflies, a large hand caressing up and down her back, their bodies close but, still _not_ close enough in her opinion.

She has no idea how long they stand there, holding each other tightly though it certainly feels like forever before she feels him shift, his head moving as he lays light kiss on her forehead, a hand, large and warm, on her hip.

Then he's knuckling under her chin to angle her face up to his and for the first time in a long time, she's gazing into eyes she never even realized she'd miss until they were gone for such a long time from her life.

And they're so familiar and warm and smiling yet beholden with a new brand of intensity that she could cry.

Up close, she could see his face still looks the same. A few new lines here and there as well as freshly grown stubble lining his jaw but, he's still the Jake she knows. _Her_ Jake.

And as her eyes go down his face, all the way to his lips, she bites her own because they still look the same. Red and soft-looking and full. Soo tempting...

And as those lips move with the outpouring of her name, she does the one thing she'd scarcely allowed herself to think about during the last six months lest she suffer more in his absence....

....She kisses him. Hard.

She's so emotional and unthinking before she does it that it's also bit clumsy... but, really good.

His lips are softer than she could've hoped for and it's just nice-

It's also too short. It's over way too soon for her tastes. And she's so caught up in that split second that might have been a minute that she has zero clue who ends it really but, it's the sound of Chico grunting in his cuffs and yelling out in pained Spanish that breaks them apart and she shakes off her dazed state, realizing that at some point Jake has grabbed her arms during the kiss and when she looks down at them, he lets her go.

"Sorry." He amends quickly. For what she doesn't know. "I'm just - yeah, sorry."

She takes a deep breath because now is really not the time and gestures behind her at the perp. "Do you wanna-?"

"Sure." He nods vigorously, getting her drift almost immediately. "Sure. Let's do this." He adds, like he's convincing himself.

She gives herself many a mental slap as they head on over to the belligerent drug dealer and she eyes Peralta for the duration of him reading Chico his rights and though it all clicks into place right away, like they hadn't stopped being partners, she can still feel the buzz in her head from the feel of his lips on hers. The feel of his light stubble on her palms.

Oh boy. She has it bad.

 

 

 She's staring, alright? She's well aware of _that_!

     It's just - she can't help it! The minute they get back to the station - he'd been there earlier upon arriving back into the force but, had left quickly after realizing where she was - he had been taken over by everyone. Holt, Rosa, Gina, Terry, Boyle (god, _especially_ Boyle) and even the ever oblivious Hichcock and Scully swamp him the second they arrive and she only makes a sorry excuse before disappearing into the breakroom and then promptly gazing out into the bullpen as he interacts with everyone he hasn't seen in many months.

He still looks the same and that's mostly what gets her.

Hair the same short, thick cut. Clothes back to his usual flannel, jeans, and converse.

He's in better shape. His already fit frame much more honed from what she can see. Not at all bulky but, _damn_. Arms a little bigger. Shoulders broader. And she vividly recalls the feel of him crowding her more - firm, warm, and very male - when he'd responded to her hug earlier. Only now recognizing the added on pounds of muscle she'd felt during the embrace.

(She had almost always found him attractive, by the way. It had actually been a little harder in the beginning, to be honest. 'Cause she hadn't expected him. Because her former partner, Gunzlinger - yeah, she knows - had been a balding, curmudgeonly, paternal man in his sixties and imagine her flustered surprise when, after her four year tenure at the 73 and then a transfer over to the 99 thereafter, during her briefing with her then new commanding officer, a young thirty-something handsome man had barged in with a wide smirk and leather jacket and though she had stood her ground well, she does remember feeling her face go hot as he settled dark, deeply probing eyes on her for the first time in what ends up being a, so far, successful three-year-long partnership.)

There's another difference, too. It's subtle but, it's there. His bearing is... _changed_ , somehow. It's more mature. More settled. Much more steady. His straighter posture having less to do with a cocksure confidence and more to do with life experience.

Again, he's still the same man as he laughs and shares stories and high fives Boyle with his boundless energy and wide, Peralta grin that makes his eyes light up and her breath catch as she is hit with how much she's missed him... but, he is changed.

He's actually a changed man and she wonders what he'd gone through undercover because she knows the Ianuccis are a nasty bunch of people with a horrible reputation for lots of reasons and she wonders what exactly they'd made him do in order to gain their trust.

She shudders at the possibilities and instead thinks of his changes and if his feelings for her are crammed in there somewhere.

She'd kissed him.

She had kissed Jake. After not seeing him for exactly six months.

And it had been so quick and over before she could even realize if he'd actually kissed her back or not and she recalls his grabbing of her arms during it and tries to figure out if he was gonna pull her away or respond to her or if he had been so in shock that he hadn't known what to do but, that.

God, which was it?

Right then, as if he's reading her mind or just feeling her gaze on him, Jake turns around and his gaze finds her right away through the glass doors of the breakroom.

She looks away immediately.

Christ, she sucks.

 

 

So, she may not count on him ignoring her disappearing act over at the station nor her additional one when she'd left before anyone else...

.... But, still, she doesn't expect him to come see her later on that day as she's sitting on her couch watching Private Benjamin - it's her comfort movie, _shut_ _up_ \- with a bowl of caramel corn on her lap in her favorite Pride  & Prejudice sweatshirt and old faded jeans, as she answers her phone without looking at the caller ID because she doesn't wanna bother and who has the patience to do personalized ringtones?

" 'Ello?" She mumbles into it, mouth full of ooey, gooey caramel goodness.

_"Get down here."_

It's him and she feels tumbles of popcorn fall out of her mouth in her surprise. "Jake?"

 _"Who do you think?"_ He replies automatically and slightly sarcastic. _"Get down here."_

She feels the joy at hearing his voice take a backseat to a momentary wisp of indignation. "Excuse me-"

 _"Santiago."_ He interrupts impatiently, a sigh mingling with the static on her phone. _"I'm tired. I've been undercover for the last six months. It's September in New York so, it's really colder than it should be and I..."_ He pauses and she can see the muted sounds of the street below her. _"... I just really wanna see you so, could you please come down here?"_

She bites her lip, mind running in circles.

_"Amy?"_

She has no idea why she does it but, her brain hurts and she really just wants confirmation so, she heads to her window where she knows the parked cars line up beneath it and opens it to peek out.

And sure enough, there he is. Looking up at her with his own phone in his hands as if he expected her to do that.

She pokes her head back in and closes her window.

It takes barely five minutes with how she rushes in putting on socks, canvas boots, and making sure she _does_ have a bra on under her sweatshirt before running downstairs, hoping the messy bun on her head doesn't look that awful as she's about to face him.

He's still standing there, hands in his pockets, when she comes outside, leather jacket and all, and the image is so strikingly familiar to her that she pauses briefly to compose herself before walking to him.

"Hey." She greets cautiously as she ends up in front of him.

And she doesn't know what she expects but, it's certainly not for him so blunt so early on. "Why'd you leave?"

She eyes him, the glittering gaze full of intensity and mirth, and words get stuck in her throat for a moment. "I- What?"

"Earlier. At the station." He adds, taking a step closer to her. "After such an enthusiastic greeting..." Another step. "... Can you forgive a guy for being confused?" He asks, another long stride putting him a lot more near her now.

She gazes at him. At the half serious half playful expression on his face. His unsmiling, tempting mouth.

She'd been so caught up in just emotions and feelings while he'd been away that she hadn't bothered on the sexual and physical part of things. Her mind refusing to go there on the off chance it may just not happen between them.

Yet, now...? He's here. He's back and right at this very moment, he looks more than pleased to see her and the clenching in her lower gut is so instinctively primal that she forgets he's a lot closer and stares as he brings up a hand to her face, tucking in a lock of hair at her ear before leaning down and in, his other hand joining in on cupping her jaw and she an vaguely hear him say _I really missed you_ before he's right there, his scent surrounding her, his breath gusting over her lips and then-

"Wait." She's able to say, breathless and rushed, making him pause, eyes steady on her. "Just wait a minute, okay?"

He straightens up, hands falling away from her face and she's surprised at how much she wants him back.

"I have something I need to say." She continues, taking a long, deep breath.

He nods, a look of understanding on his face. "Okay."

"Before you left, you told me you have feelings for me. Is that still true?"

He doesn't even hesitate for even a minute. "Yes." He responses, looking at her fully in the eye, his expression open and honest. "I thought about you everyday." He adds, voice deep and steady, drawing her in, her feet stepping towards him, the warmth of his gaze magnetic. "Amy-"

"I broke up with Teddy." She blurts out. "Soon after you left, I broke up with him." She shrugs, feeling a weight off her shoulders. "It felt like the right thing to do because I-"

"You what?" He asks, peering down at her intensely. "Because you what?"

She takes a shallow breath as he holds the side of her face, thumb stroking the bone there. Weakening her resolve. To say something. To say the words that have been on the tip of her tongue since she'd figured them out nearly three weeks after he had left her with her thoughts during that cool, Spring night outside their precinct. The words that she'd never she would ever get to say because of soo many reasons and now it's happening. Her chance is here. And she could hardly believe it.

"Because I have feelings for you, too."

She catches a glimpse of happy eyes and an earnest smile before he's leaning again and this time there's no stopping him when he takes her mouth with a quiet authority that takes her breath away as he kisses her with purpose. With determination. Hunger. Clear desire.

She moans, giving herself up to it. Sinking into him without any thought. Just wanting this. Wanting him. Always

 

 

   She has no idea how but, they manage to get upstairs. Stumbling into her apartment, her back smacking against her door as they open it with their bodies, Jake trapping her between him and the knob jamming into her ass before he simply loses patience and picks her up, legs wrapping around his waist as they continue to kiss, too entwined in each other to care about their surroundings.

They have sex for the first time on the carpet in her living room.

It's harsh. Fast. Borderline brutal. And they are both far too impatient and kinetic to actually undress fully so, Jake's pants only make it down his ass before he drives himself inside her and her panties are completely destroyed and it's so animalistic that she's pretty sure she draws blood as she gouches into his back during it.

Even for a first time, it's what they both need.

It's also some of the best sex Amy's had in god knows how long and she comes so hard, she honestly thinks she goes blind for a split second and they both lay panting and sweating for a long while, catching their breath before they can get a second wind and he wordlessly carries her to the her bedroom, their clothes still hanging off them.

And if she thinks it's the best she's had in her living room, it's really nothing compared to what she receives (and reciprocates, she's a _lady_ ) when they are able to take their time on her bed. Sitting astride him and holding his gaze as they make love after six months of a kind of hell and she swears then and there that she will never let him go again.

She won't. Not after this.

He ends up spooning her afterward, kissing her hair and holding her as she enjoys their intimate lull, going from playing with his fingers and trailing her own up the strong forearm holding her at the middle and feeling so deliriously happy that she could die right then and not care.

"Amy?" She hears him say, after a long hush filled with only their breath, from behind her neck.

"Hmm?" She hums in response, still caressing the muscled arm she enjoys surrounding her. The feel of him cuddling her close as if he can't get enough.

Goosebumps pebble over her skin as he sighs, tightening his hold on her. "I love you."

She stills as the words echo in her brain. Whispered with such sincerity and reverence, it's like he's actually praying to some unknown deity instead of just telling her that he loves her. And it _bursts_ a dam in her chest that she's not even aware was there before and for a long time, she just lays there as he waits with loving patience as she finds her voice to tell him what she feels.

In the end, she realizes she's scared. And really, very ecstatic that he loves her. Has it in him to love her even after going through god knows what he had to go through following his probably awful mission with those horrible people and after telling her his initial feelings and maybe thinking he'd come back to her still dating someone he had to watch her with for two months. His heart probably hurting him with that knowledge.

The same as it had her.

So, in the end, she chooses a way to let him know what she feels for him in a manner typical of them. Twisting around in his embrace to flash him a big, happy smile. "Dummy." She teases, letting her tone of voice do all the talking. "You're supposed to tell me that before to get me into bed. Not after."

And he seems to get it as even in the slight darkness she can see his eyes light up and an equally big grin cross his face as he laughs with her. "Yeah." He amends as she turns again, still chuckling. "I screwed that one up, eh?" He adds rhetorically in a voice that tells her he knows he didn't at all.

And as if his voice doesn't make her understand his relief, the kiss he lays sweetly on the back of her neck _certainly_ does.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> What's up? :) Hope you liked it 'cause it had a ton of early mornings and plenty of thought put into it so, it would appreciate only your constructive criticism and kind words. *coughs* And I would, too, obviously. 
> 
> Anyway, you can thank the lovely cresselia's little post-finale story infinite loop for giving that idea for the bear in the middle there. And the ending words between our couple at the end is from the second to last episode of the latest season of House of Lies and if you've seen the show as well, you'd know what scene it's from. ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading!! :)


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